Happy Pulak Arini!!!

Alhamdulillah…as for today, I must say it has been quite a good day for me…seksaan akibat nervous aku hilang di awal2 pagi hari ni…First arini aku budget my day will be quite a disaster lah jugak, sbb nk kuar rumah je tadi, I mean, on my way to the office aku mmg akan gunakan Ampang-Elevated Highway…they never let me down in shortening my journey from Ampang to KL every morning……Until This Morning……Jalan Jammed kat depan MIGS tu mmg standard lah, tapi aku perasan Jammed dier melarat sampai depan Flamingo Hotel tu sampai nk masok Highway…aku budget bila dah lepas Flamingo tu okay lah kot, rupenyer sepanjang dari Falmingo tu sampailah masok Highway and all the way kereta mmg TAK BERGERAK…..aiyoooooooo…tgk2 jam baru kol 8.20, dgn harapan yg aku akan break the jam in 10 minutes….sekali kol 8,50 aku masih merangkak nak naik ke Highway tu still….lama beb…sumpah serakah lah jugak, mana pernak Elevated Highway jammed that bad….rupenyer ia berlaku bersebab yer…alkisahnyer dah ade 9 KERETA berlanggar back to back….so masa yg lama tu sebenarnyer adalah masa yang diambil oleh pihak keselamatan highway untuk mengalihkan semua 9 kereta tu tadi ke tepi jalan…no wonderlah jammed ya amat, and not to mention ade pula C****A yg nk pandang2 lah pulak…kalau menolong takpelah jugakkan, looks like penyibok will always be around us…
Lepas je jammed and reached office around 9.10, tanpa berlengah lagi aku terus compile my last 2 days nyer preparations and aku terus masok bilik GM aku dan bincang dgn dier…and to my surprise, all the things yg dier comdemn and banged aku arituh tetiba semuanya dier accept, siap kata Good Job lagi…apa lagi, perasaan penuh kelegaan memancut terus di lubuk sanubari aku ibarat gejolak sulfur gunung berapi (exaggerating sket)…and to make things even better, aku perasan DGM aku x masok lagi walhal dah kol 9 lebih, rupe-rupenyer dier On Leave lah arini, lagilah hatiku berkocak girang…and the best part is, today is my PAY DAY!!!!...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA…aku kaya! aku kaya!!!!!....jadi tadi aku just call my contractors to get this project of mine on the move pastu since aku ade mase lebih sket tadi, aku pon pergilah withdraw money sket and teruslah membayar apa2 hutang yg masih lagi tertunggak…by lunchtime tadi dada aku dah lapang dah…I hope this will continue for the rest of the day…til then, hope everybody had a great day too and C YA!!!!

Perasaan Bercampur Aduk Menjelang Ramadhan Yang Mulia...

Baru je arituh aku melepaskan keluhan di hati ini tentang beberapa perkara yang betul2 membuatkan aku frust tahap mega...yerlah, i blew off my chance to win some good sum of money, konsert Avril Lavigne post-poned sampai ntah bila, and peluang naik stage amik souvenir dari Pak Lah has been snatched away by others...tp, x lama pastu, i guess things are not so bad as it seemed to be...tetiba je Konsert Avril Lavigne tu dah diconfirmkan pada tarikh asal, tu pon diluluskan atas dasar budi bicara dari pihak yang berkuasa...which means I AM GOING TO SEE MS. LAVIGNE AFTER ALL...yerlah kan, bila pikir balik memang konsert tu tak mengacau pon, mungkin dekat dgn Hari Merdeka tapi knowing Malaysians, no matter how hot or steamy the outcome of any particular concert might be, the next morning we just don't go GAGA about it...by the end of the day it's just mere entertainment...so takde maknanyer golongan muda kita akan terpengaruh lah or anything similar, our younsters are there for only one reason and nothing more...but i seriously hoped pihak penganjur tu plzzzzzzzzz take note about what happened lah kan, janganlah berlagak besar sgt dgn pihak berkuasa sampai pandai2 buat promotion without pihak berkuasa nyer consent and approval, sampai dah menggelabah baru lah terkinja2 buat permohonan and all barulah mintak simpati and such, baru tau how big pihak berkuasa kita sebenarnyer, so let this be a very valueable lesson ekk......pastu pasal peluang aku bertemu Pak Lah...hahahahaha, pon tetiba aku peluang tu muncul semula untuk aku...walaupon aku pergi bersama dgn one of the orang besar dalam company aku ni, tp at least i'm there to witness it...yg penting, aku naik amik souvenir and VIP from my company tu sign the MOU all on the same stage...hahahahaha...rase mcm usahawan berjayalah plak...yerlah kan, satu KLCC (Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre) tu tepuk tangan, all the flashing cameras ad not to mentioned most of attendees of the event are big shots of their respectable companies...and then pastu VIP dari company aku tu pon adelah chit chat dgn some of these big shots and of course i was introduced to them as well...some of them are expats...and one thing i realised about all this big shots, walaupon diorang ni ade yang nampak garang, ada yang peramah, ada Melayu, Cina, India, Omputih, tinggi, kurus, tua, muda belia, diorang definitely TAK BERANGAN...honesty is flowing with frothyness out of their unique personalities...in short, they are all VERY APPROACHABLE and open to any type of communication topics, inserted with wise words of wisdom every now and then of course...even our beloved Pak Lah is a very funny man sebenarnyer...it shows yang nk jadi big shots ni tak payahlah nk angkat image or nak apply other people's way of speech or thinking, you turned out more of a hard-trying victim and making a fool of urself, mungkin kita tak perasan but orang yang deal ngan kita definitely akan realised, tp of courselah takkan kita nak sound direct pasal that flaw kan, that only happens when the time's right...so no wonder most big shots are treated with respect, coz they definitely being honest and true to who they really are without being a victim or trying hard to be one...;P...

Anyway, that is that lah...terbaru pulak, last weekend i had great time chillin out with my best mates ALL NIGHT LONG baby!!!...the topic, hahahaha, lots actually, dari isu semasa, perancangan masa depan, lawak2 sengal, divalicious spirit posessing gone hillariously wrong, bitching sessions and of course some future collabo plannings...yeahhh...dalam rancak2 berborak tu, one of mr fren suddenly came up with an idea of doing something noble this coming Ramadhan...his idea is to organised a charity event like berbuaka puasa bersama anak2 yatim sponsored by a established company all in the name of charity...and as value added extras, we can even invite performers (from our own clan) to perform at the event for some well-deserved free publicity...sounds good to me...in fact, my company is on the verge of re-branding itself and events like these sure has all the needed benefits to re-introduced itself to the masses nationwide...so at that point, i'm really up for it and i told my fren that i'll propose this initiative to my superiors and see what they think about it...so yesterday morning, i spoke to my DGM regarding this matter and she said that she's fine with it, but in order to have more proper blessing, it's best to highlight it to my GM straight...but in order to get into that, i must start with presenting my plans on the activities that i have to conduct for the interest of our customers for this festive season......apa lagi, i went into my GM's office and to my surprise, he is in a VERY BAD MOOD...i mean VERY BAD MOOD!!!!......muka berkerut je buat keje, siap marah2 secretary dier...aku boleh je mintak post-pone jap meeting tu, tp sbb aku dah masok dlm bilik dia, teruskan jugaklah kan...so there i was starting out the discussion with my Ramadhan proposals, and as usual lah, when ur dealing with bosses with foul mood and bad temper is fast approaching, segala benda yang aku cakap semuanya tak kena, siap carik kesalahan plak tu, and then terus kata yang aku ni tak wholesome bentangkan pendapat and i need to be more professional.....yes, i admit, there are some things yang aku still tak beberapa pandai nak tackle, especially presenting things to a boss with intense boil...tapi aku dalam tu bukannyer pushing to materialise kan my plan, but more on asking pendapat je sebenarnyer...why? sbb i know bulan puasa dah nak dekat and aku kene gak tau whether wajarkah aku teruskan dgn planning aku ni ataupon should i push it to a more appropriate timing where everyone is more laid back?...tp tu lah, it's just a matter of being at a wrong place at a wrong time...i think u cam imagine the feeling yg mula2 u ingat ur noble idea will be excepted graciously but ur being banged instead...terus bercampur aduk perasaan aku pastu...nk happy sgt tak boleh sbb baru lepas kene marah, nk sedih pon x boleh sbb that idea of mine tak kene reject just yet...mmg terconfuse lah kejap, terus aku decide nak luahkan dalam blog ni je...takpelah, dah nk terkena nak buat camner kan, i just have to persuade my GM again by being more wholesome the next time around and convincing him the relevance and also the benefits of this idea of mine and why it has to be pull to a start a.s.a.p.....Insyaallah i hoped it'll work out this time, and i hope his mood permits it too...anyway, i'm off for some convincing skills need to be sharpened, and to all my Muslim Brothers and Sisters, Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan dan Selamat Berpuasa!!!......;)

THE POWER OF 3 CAME SMASHIN DOWN ON ME!!!!

AAARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH…itu sajalah yg reaksi yg betul2 ikhlas terkeluar dari diri ini…dahlah hari ni dimulakan dgn kereta aku yg x sampai setahun tu tetiba ade bunyi shrieking yang sgt menyakitkan hati bila aku panaskan enjin dia...and then bila drive, diam pulak tapi asal break je dier berbunyi lagik...haihhhh...hopefully bukan severe damage sudahlah...anyway, aku baru tau yang bukanlah seorang yang born lucky sebenarnyer, x seperti a lot of people thought i am...haiihhhhhh memang dah tersurat yang benda tu bukan rezeki aku…apalah benda tu agaknyer yerrr….ehehehehe…welll…takdelah melibatkan ahli keluarga, karier, ataupon tergolong dalam kategori jenayah ke ape…Behold for some serious and a LONGGGGGGGG posting from me this time…. my day today has been rather depressing in a very drmataic manner, most of the things that I had placed the highest hopes on HAS SHATTERED INTO TINY MOLECULES OF USELESS DUST!!!...there are 3 of them actually, lemme began with the first one…just to let it outlah kan, for almost a month ago every morning on my way to work, I have never failed to use my recently upgraded post-paid line phone to call HOT FM…kenapa?...sebab if ur a HOT FM listener, every morning they will have this challenge called HOT FM SANDWICH, in which the challenge is you have to identify 3 different songs that has been laid out and mashed together in a very ‘noisy’ manner, and they’ll reward you with CASH if you got all the songs right regardless whether in sequence or not…some might be wondering ‘hah, what’s so hard about that?’…well, it’s not that easy either, considering the pattern that has been used in this challenge in which they will mashed up 1 popular Malay song, 1 all-time favourite Malay song and 1 English song…that’s the only thing that you have to bear in mind before listening to the HOT FM SANDWICH…and they will only air the ‘SANDWICH’ clip for only about 5 seconds!!!...yeahhhh…it’s that swift, and as for today, the cash prize reward has snowballed to RM11,400...yesssssss…GRAND isn’t it????……….Anyway, back to my gloomy issue, for almost a month ago I’ve been trying HARD to call them every morning because I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE 3 SONGS CORRECTLY!!!...all I gotta do is to call them up and scream out the answers from the base of my voice box to the limp morning faces of the 2 DJs handling the show…..but some might be wondering, why it took me a month to do it…well…who doesn’t want to try their luck knowing that the challenge a huge amount of cash right???...and who doesn’t want to try their luck when the challenge is open to all Malaysians NATIONWIDE???...so there I was risking my morning drive to the office constantly redialing the number, which is busy ALL THE TIME!!!...but hey, u should never give paving through for the things that you want right???...UNTIL TODAY…I FINALLY GOT THE CHANCE TO GET THROUGH!!!...OMG!!!...THIS IS IT!!!...I can finally hear the ring tone….troot troot…troot troot…troot troot…troot troot…troot troot…AND………..they didn’t pick up….THEY DIDN’T PICK UP!!!!!...OH MYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!...that is beyond meaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!...after all those weeks the line has been engaged, and they didn’t answer me when I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOO F***ING CLOSE to grab the chance of winning that wicked cash prize…and u might have guessed it…the line was busy whn I redialed that number again…and to add more salt to my overly exposed wound, a rempit sounding guy managed to get through and successfully answered all the 3 songs correctly, using his office phone during office hours…mata aku terus berkaca…itulah dinamakan nasib dan rezeki….aku punyerlah every morning tgh drive cuba nak call2 dah nk dekat sebulan tp still x dpt….and yet somebody yg dah masok chill kat ofis yg menang bende tu…………….haihhhhhhh, nk cuba lagi ke???...ntahlah…ada yang kata nk carik duit cara ni bukannyer elok sgt pon…ntahlah…maybe it’s just feeling crushed that drove me to think about things according to what I feel……..

Owh yeah…did I mentioned that I put my hopes on 3 different things right…let’s move on to the 2nd one…When Celine Dion decided to have a gig here in Malaysia some time ago, I went nuts!!!...I mean come on, it’s Celine Dion, one of the legendary songtress of our time decided to come down to our beautiful shores for some serious vocal projection…This one I JUST GOTTA SEE…….but when the ticket price was finalized, hahahaha, I just couldn’t afford it…and yeah, I MISSED THE SHOW…eventhough I can still catch her ‘performance’ recorded LIVE by some ‘well-trained video snipers’ on YouTube, nothing beats the feeling of actually being there at the show right???....so I decided next time around if there’s any accompalished international acts coming down for a show, I just gotta grab my chance to see them…nuff said…and Yes, I bet everybody might have knew it by now…AVRIL LAVIGNE is coming down her major concert here!!!...Her scheduled performance will be this coming 29th August 2008!!!....hahahahaha…finally somebody, who is also a fellow Canadian coming down for a show…yeah, I planned to go, No, I AM GOING…I got the tickets ready with 2 of my ex-officemates tagging along…I’m starting to imagine of taking leave on that day and even visualising some crazy head banging action with my friends together with Ms. Lavigne all night long baby……….that was until this morning…while I was ‘grieving’ my way to my workstation this morning, one of my officemates jump right at me and asking me whether have I purchased the tickets to Avril Lavignes concert, or course I said yes…that was when she broke the news telling me that the concert HAS BEEN POSTPONED on later date, coz the initial date might clash with the hype of MERDEKA…WTF????!!!!...HEY HEY YOU YOU!!!...MERDEKA IS ON THE 31ST LAH MANGKUK!!!!...and the eve pon is one the 30th malam tu!!!!...mana ade clashing dowhhhhh!!!...aiyooooooooooo…aku x paham!!!....as soon as I heard about that, I just act cool, but I immediately surf into the net and Google myself for the concert’s updates…to my surprise, our local actions has been spread out as a major headline across the pond regarding this change of schedule and some sites even has published articles and postings stating that Ms. Lavigne has CANCELLED HER CONCERT IN MALAYSIA…I can’t believe it…This is WAYYYYYY TOOO MUCH for me to digest in this very wet Thurday morning…haiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhh another disappointment…so what should I do with my tickets???...i’m pretty stuck with my next course of action coz when I actually surf into the organiser’s website, no cancellation or any change of dates is highlighted, so I don’t know which one to trust…I guess I just have to wait and see, but things definitely doesn’t look pretty HOT here for Ms.Lavigne…Owh yeah, i just some recent update about this...one of my friends actually called up the oraganiser of this concert for precise detailings of what is really going on...and u know what, they actually admit it...they might have to cancel the concert after all...hahahaha...well, they better make the announcement quick, coz all the people who had purchased the tix like myself are now shifting their attention and feeling more excited in claiming their good money back...and they want it FAST!!!!!...

Hahahaha…and lastly, to my 3rd biggest hope of the week…yesterday, my dad called me up asking me whether will I be free this Saturday morning…well, I work half-day on Saturdays…then my dad told me that he has this event organised by Yayasan Pencegah Jenayah Malaysia in which my dad is scheduled to go as a representative of the company he works to receive a gratitude souvenir from the PRIME MINISTER himself...but since my dad couldn’t make it….yeahhhh…HE WANTS ME TO GO ON HIS BEHALF…wooaaaahhhhh…me on stage receiving a gift from our beloved Pak Lah…THIS IS MAJORRRRRR…eventhough it’s not directly for me, but still the exposure in attending such an event might have its own unique advantages right???...besides, I can excuse myself from coming to work this Saturday….hahahahaha…a good weekend for me I suppose…….again, that was until this morning, when my dad’s secretary called me up while I was mourning at the two shattered hopes…she called me up to say that I may not be the one to replace my dad at the event, they might want to assigned somebody from the Corporate Communication instead….AIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…why am I turning out into a such an unlucky B****???!!!!....EVERYTHING just doesn’t turn out right….and it all involves around the things that I really wanted for now….and it’s not that I didn’t work myself for it…I even spend some serious cash on my phone bills for that first hope and good money for that second hope…yeah I know some might be saying ‘alaaaaaa takde bendenyer x dpt bende2 tu semua, byk lagi bende lain ko boleh carik’….yeah betul tu, tapi seriously the feeling is VERY DIFFERENT when you actually work for it tp blom tentu dapat, dengan you work for it, and u dap dpt dah, tapi that things has been brutally snatched away from you in just a blink of an eye…and there you are left with nothing but some serious feeling of wastage in the inside….I don’t know, mmg bukan nasib dan rezeki aku lah agaknyer…and somehow this proved that you should never put your hopes up wayyyyyy to high for something big that is about to happened in your life…always remain calm and content but quietly work your way up consistently paving your way to a much more comfortable reward as a stepping stone for better things to come…think of it again, hey, it’s just a radio competition, a typical concert and being a replacement in an event…:)

The Toughest Challenge For Me This Month...

Hahahahahaha...mesti ade yang menyangka apelah agaknya challenge yg aku maksudkan itu bukan?...Challenge is good sebenarnyer, even our survival in life pon adalah a phenomenal challenge on its own...tp kadang2, ade sesetengah challenge yang kita MEMANG TAK PERLU, tapi nak buat camner, kene 'redah' kan jugalah....hmmm, actually i'm giving a hint tu sebenarnya...nk dgr challenge aku ape...hahaha...here goes...

CABARAN ENCIK SHUKRI DARI OFIS KE TABUNG HAJI MAJU JUNCTION!!!!

Yup, itulah cabaran aku hari ni...mencarut2 jugaklah aku dalam kereta nk pergi ke Tabung Haji tu tadi...for those who knew aku keje kat mana, Maju Junction dgn ofis aku sebenarnyer mmg sgt tidak jauh...but still not walking distance either...tp pretty much jarak dier macam kalau kita drive keluar dari basement car park KLCC depan Mandarin Oriental tu nak ke Masjid As-Syakirin KLCC tu...dekat je kan...kurang dari 4 minit dah boleh sampai...niat aku murni sgt tadi tau tak...tgh lunch time, aku curik time ke Tabung Haji nk deposit some money dalam account aku...dgn senyum penuh ketenangan aku drive ke sana...sekali...dah berderet kereta nk lepas traffic light depan Federal Cinema tu...aku pikir kejap je lah kot jam ni...ha'ah yer...SEJAM LEPAS TU BARU AKU DAPAT MASOK BASEMENT MAJU JUNCTION TU!!!...baru aku tau hari ni 18 August 2008 first day budak2 sekolah cuti selama seminggu...meaning ramai parents cuti bawak anak kuar beli baju raya lah, baju sekolah lah, karaoke lah, clubbing lah ape haram jadah lagi lah...

Actually Traffic Jam kalau hi-angle agak cantik juga pemandangannya kan?...;P

Itu tak termasuk ade pulak bas rosak depan KAMDAR tu pulak tetibaaaaaaaaaaaa....dan begitu jugalah muka aku dalam kereta menunggu bas rosak kat Chow Kit tu dialihkan...arrggghhhh

OOOUUUUKKHHHHH...keluar carutan Kak Pah aku time tu...tp takpe...Alhamdulillah aku selamat sampai ke Maju Junction...just when i thought my traffic struggle is over...SEKALI SETENGAH JAM LEPAS TU BARU AKU DAPAT PARKING KAT BASEMENT MAJU JUNCTION TU!!!!...

Patutlah takde keta...takde parking dah pon sebenarnyer...

Sah2 lunch time aku pon dah lama berakhir...kenelah aku call colleague aku bg tau aku masok lambat sket...mood aku time tu mmg dah menyumpah serakah penuh kelahanatan dah...tp takpe...after some serious honking and cursing towards some hardcore a**holes dalam basement tu, dpt jugaklah aku parking space...tu pon jauh nk mampos dari entrancenyer...aku diamkan lagi...ape lagi, aku lumba berjalan kaki minus the right posture meluru ke Tabung Haji tu...sampai je kat situ, tanpa mengisi borang dulu aku terus tekan nombor...cantik jugaklah nombornyer...1400...aku tgk kat display giliran tu...BARU NOMBOR 1325!!!!!...MAK OII!!!!...70 orang lebih lagi depan aku!!!...lantas aku terkulai kelesuan langsung terduduk di atas sofa yang nasib baik kosong sebelah kiri aku...masaklah aku menunggu giliran pulak...tp tu lah, berkat usaha aku meredah segala cabaran aku tadi, ramai pulak invisible souls kat Tabung Haji tadi, sbb nak dekat berpuluh2 orang gaklah yang bila nombor dah announce tapi akhirnya tak muncul...so process menunggu tu takdelah lama sangat...dalam kol 3...YERRRR..kol 3 yerrrr...baru aku dpt turn aku ngadap teller tu (dpt pulak teller yg baru memenangi 'Teller Terbaik Pilihan Pelanggan'...ADA AKU KESAH!!!!)...so aku terus berurus niaga dan Alhamdulillah selesai juga motif murni aku tgh hari tadi....herrgggghhhhh...curse KL Roads!!!!..lain kali aku catwalk je lagi bagus!!!

NAK GI HOLIDAY!!!!

Hahahaha...that's just what my inner soul has been screaming to my head for the past few weeks...Surely a holiday is something that everyone memang akan senantiasa membuat semua orang teruja, sbb less things to think and act about...tp tu lah, bila masanya nak pergi tu?...berapa pulak pricenyer?...accomodation dier affordable and comfortable ke tak?...and that's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of getting to know your destination and its accomodation bonuses in full totality...tp seriously, dalam hati mmg bergejolak nak gi holiday...and preferably planning nk gi end of the year, nak jugaklah merasa contohnya kalau ade rezeki gi negeri orang putih, bolehlah tgk diorang celebrate Christmas camner kan...so far dalam hidup I ni, sekali je dpt tgk omputih celebrate Christmas, tu pon masa my cousin convo kat Brisbane, Australia...memandangkan sana bulan Decembar dier summer, so they had never experienced a White Christmas before...tp tu Christmas lah...yg i'm more looking forward to is NEW YEAR!!!...boleh dikatakan sejak umur I mencecah 20, memang dah ade dah dalam hati ni ade rasa2 nk celebrate NEW YEAR out of Malaysia for a change, it's good for exprience's sake right?...it's life's learning process as well...at least we enriched our mind with wonderful things happening on other parts of the world that we always took for granted...

New Year in Paris is something i'm looking forward to

Or maybe in Tokyo, Japan

Amsterdam will be bluddy interesting

Rio De Janeiro!!!!!

Or the creme de la creme...NEW YORK!!!!

Hahahahah...well...those are just my wild imagination...but hey, imagination kalau dibayangkan dgn keikhlasan dan niat yang baik, ia juga adalah satu doa kan???...ditambah pula dgn usaha untuk merealisasikan impian tu, Insyaallah tercapai jugak wildest ravaries aku ni hendaknyer...Okaylah, sekadar berangan je this time around...until nex time, to all the people with plans for a holiday anytime soon...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!...

OMG!...Here It Comes Again!!!...

Haihhhh...i think i need to let it out here again...hmmmm...as a person, our everyday lives provides us with numerous surprises that can either make you or break you, it all depends on how we started it, in which in normal cases it is something that we're not truly aware of...Okay2, i know i just love to put any kind of situations into beautiful representations of words, but to be honest, i've been bearing myself with this so-called PERSONALITY DISORDER.

Yup!...but before we all go ooooooooooooooooo or aaaaaaaaaaaaaa or 'NO WONDER LAH' towards this lil issue of mine, allow me to explain it in more detailed manner. It's not really that type of disorder that you might have thought, but mine is more driven with a situation. To make it understandable, we tend to have lots of things planned for ourselves, both short-term or long-term. When we say planned or planning, it boils down to being just a plan by the end of the day, in order to make it into a reality, we have to break our sweat and tears in order to achieve that full sense of belonging and fulfillment to that plan of ours. THAT'S WHERE MY PROBLEM ARISED. I tend to think a lot more than coming up with solutions or actions. Some might say that when you do a lot of thinking, it actually portraying yourself as a thinker in which most thinkers will come up with one bold solution or action that even the thinker themself is confident enough that it can be used as a benchmark for you to move closer to that plan of yours. But as lil old me, the more i put my thought into it, the more i felt uncertain about my own plans, thus making the thinker in me tilted more towards the negativity of everything i have planned out. I know that is NOT GOOD!...

And here's the Big Cake, thanks to all this negativity in my head, it totally affects my personality and my confidence towards the people around me. I tend to over judging myself on the way i talk, the way i'm expressing my opinions, my first reactions towards things and people, even my smile and my sense of humour!!!...IT IS THAT PATHETIC!!!...my confidence really took a dive when this things happened...I wonder what kind of plans that i had get myself into until it makes me think too much thus pushing my positivity away...I don't know, even things like work can make me jump into this gloomy situation...in short, whenever i felt uneasy or uncertained about my own moves, then i just can't let it go until i entirely figured out how to overcome it...to remedy it...i really need to find the solution FAST!!!

Expressing this dilemma does trigger my tears to swirl around my eyes right now. To be truthfully honest, this inner conflict of mine has been going on for years. And yet i just couldn't find anything or anybody that that can help to ease this internal problematic chaos of mine just yet. It sure feels so frustrating when before this everything when quite flowy and you are very comfortable in your own skin, and the next thing you know you rather locked yourself or hide yourself somewhere discreet, while pretending to portray as if ur busy or tight up to other engagements to the people that you usually hang out with, and when you finally meet up with them again, you tend to be quite reserved and you start to feel unsure of what to do or say to them, thus this can create a sense of uneasiness and confusion to the people we're meeting up with, and it can also create a tension that is filled with negativity like 'Apasal ngan ko ni?'...'ermmm, are you okay today?'...or...'Ko ni OVERLAH!!!!' Dahlah, aku nak tido!'....or some other situations similar like those...And it sure takes quite a while for me to regain that positivity again coz it is hard work trying to put your unresolved plans aside for a very long time...everytime u pushed it away, it will come to carresed your head again soon enough and this dark cycle of personality disorder will spins its cursing self over and over again....Haaaaaanhhhhhhh...I Need Help...I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!...Time for my Tissues And Issues to shine...:(

A Good Holiday Might Help Too!!!!....UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!...I NEED A RETREAT!!!